Who You’re Becoming: The Path to Lasting Change with Chuck DeGroat

Why can we understand ourselves and still struggle to change? What does it take to grow in Christlike character? And how do we hold compassion and accountability together when someone has caused harm?

In this episode of the Faith Filled Therapy Podcast, Jo Hargreaves is joined by licensed therapist, professor and author Chuck DeGroat for a conversation about narcissism, trauma and the slow work of lasting transformation.

Chuck shares how his experience as a pastor and therapist has shaped his work with people who have caused harm and those who have been harmed. Together, he and Jo explore how compassion can sit alongside accountability, why our reactions make sense within our stories, and how we can find our way back to a more grounded state.

They also discuss Chuck’s book, Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age. Drawing on Scripture, neuroscience and therapeutic practice, they consider why knowing more does not automatically mean changing, and how genuine growth involves our bodies, relationships and life with God.

This conversation offers an invitation to move beyond quick fixes, make room for honest reflection and approach the work of change with patience and hope.

Key Takeaways

• Compassion and accountability belong together. Understanding someone’s trauma does not erase the harm they have caused. Chuck explains why abuse needs to be acknowledged honestly, rather than treated simply as a communication problem.
• A reactive state is not your whole story. Feeling the urge to fight, withdraw or escape does not have to become a fixed story about who you are. Jo and Chuck explore how noticing these states and practising grounding can help us respond from a more settled place.
• Spiritual growth involves the body too. The Psalms give us pictures of faith expressed through our bodies, emotions and actions. Jo and Chuck discuss an approach to wholeness that takes our physical experience seriously alongside our spiritual life.
• Lasting character change takes time. More information, therapeutic language or a short period away does not necessarily mean deep transformation has happened. Chuck describes the patient work of unlearning protective patterns and engaging honestly within safe relationships.
• Strength can include tenderness. Chuck explores how a longing for strength can become entangled with control and self-protection. Growth can involve learning to express strength through vulnerability, tenderness and connection.
• Safety comes first when harm is present. Chuck encourages people who have been harmed to take their pain and their physical and emotional safety seriously. Hope that another person might change should not require someone to minimise their own needs or experience.

About Chuck DeGroat

Chuck DeGroat is a licensed therapist, a professor at Western Theological Seminary in Holland, Michigan, and founder of the Soul Care Collaborative. He previously served as a pastor in Orlando and San Francisco, where he founded two church-based counselling centres.

He is the author of seven books, including When Narcissism Comes to Church, Healing What’s Within and Who You’re Becoming. His work includes supporting people navigating trauma, spiritual abuse and challenges in pastoral and leadership life.

Connect with Chuck & Resources Links

• Website: https://www.chuckdegroat.net/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chuckdegroat/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chuck.degroat
• Soul Care Collaborative: https://www.soulcarecollaborative.com/
• Five-Day Soul Care Intensives: https://www.chuckdegroat.net/soul-care-intensives
• Book, Who You’re Becoming: https://www.tyndale.com/p/who-youre-becoming/9781496483188

Music licensed through Soundstripe.

Watch it on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/WwYpMA9ZHZk

For free resources, reflections, and regular encouragement, come join me over on Substack. You’ll also find the option to subscribe to The Faith-Filled Collective; a monthly space for women who are pursuing wholeness and holiness. 

You can also find my e-books and webinar links here

Love and hope

Jo